Everything You Say

Charlie curled into a ball and cried for 20 minutes. He would only tell me he was sad. The weeks of adapting to the new baby in the house seemed to have a cumulative effect and he finally found his breaking point. Once he was finished, we went to the zoo and he was happy again.

Charlie is very emotionally mature. There are few instances in which the weight of his expectations causes him distress if unfilled, as is common with most children. He rolls with the punches. But his limited verbal skills often betray his very crisp observations of the world around him. He listens to everything. He understands almost all of it. Off-the-cuff remarks I make often come back to haunt me days and weeks later, when some dumb observation I made while I thought he wasn’t paying attention comes blurted out of his mouth as truth.

The biggest challenge I have with average people is getting them to believe this. They doubt his comprehension, to the point that typically careful conversation topics such as Santa or his diagnosis are voiced right there in front of him, as though he were a dog or cat without the ability to understand what is being discussed. Around Christmas we need to remind friends and family to maintain the Santa myth, but often they forget, and we have to scramble to explain that what grandpa really meant was did Santa buy his new Nintendo at Best Buy, not Mom and Dad because that would be silly.

At a certain point I’ll need to more formally explain his diagnosis to him, but for now having people describe him, his challenges, or his diagnosis in front of him feels like creating an unnecessary barrier between the way he perceives himself and other children, who don’t treat him as though that barrier exists. It’s information he shouldn’t have to think at a time in his life when its meaningless.

I was recently asked if I was worried that my newborn daughter would turn out like Charlie… in front of Charlie. This kind of sloppy inconsideration happens enough for me to respond without hesitation (and with tremendous honesty and pride) that Charlie has amazing grades, is extremely adept at whatever he puts his mind to, and is an incredibly loving child, so I sure as Hell hope so.